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5th-May-2008 09:30 pm - hello there passion
I swear art is my best friend.
Yeah here and there I drift away from it, frustrated in my lack of ability to create.
But I have days like today when all I want to do is just surround myself with new projects and sketches and doodles of everything. 

I cannot wait for the summer. I'm going to (I better not fail myself from my icky laziness) take an art class at our community college, and I'm really excited to.
I have no idea which class to take though.
My main focus is on painting though.
I need to know how to paint until I get to college.

God I just love doing art though.
Just. drawing. everything about it I'm so tuned into. 

I can't wait for summer. I'll be able to do art all day :) 
24th-Apr-2008 01:40 pm - uyck

I'm home with cramps. =[

so.
i decided i'm just doing a fat bleach job on my hair.

half of my pink grew out so I have these gynormous roots so I'm bleaching those twice today w/ toner and hopefully they'll be light enough to throw some pink dye on.

And I think I'm gonna fix up my bangs cuz I bleached the parted part not at an angle *guess your supposed to* then dying that blue.


yay.

23rd-Apr-2008 12:29 am - back and forth
The wind pulls me by the heart.
Pushes me close to you
pushes me into you.

But like a wave,  it pulls me away.
Far from you, and I wait.

I wait until the wind pushes me back to you.
But like the waves, pulling me from the shore.

Struggling I tell myself.

The wind will bring me back.
The wind will bring me back.
The wind will bring me back to you.
They always do.

23rd-Apr-2008 12:28 am - dream

I saw him and followed him. I went up to him, smiled and grabbed his hand. We walked down the streets, pigeons flying and pecking at the ground, and sad clouds above. He stopped to take a look over there

and I thought to myself as I watched him. You're the most beautiful thing I've seen.  

21st-Apr-2008 05:56 pm - prom
may 24= luke's prom.

iiiii need to lose weight by then.
like. 3 pounds. maybe. maybe more.

I look into major crunches and all the little ab work outs I do.
and forming a relationship with my treadmill.

but i have to say.
oolong tea has saved me from gaining like 20 pounds I swear 
20th-Apr-2008 10:37 pm - it's hit me recently that...

I want a girlfriend. I want to have sleepovers with her, go to movies with her. Hold her hand. be with her. kiss her.

I've debated over a really long time whether I was bisexual or not, and I never really come out and admit it ( I have some homophobic friends.. plus I have a boyfriend) or I do admit it, but then take it back.
And I never really want to come out because I haven't really met any bisexuals that I even like. so it's like 'why do it?' ya know?

but like recently, with talking about it with my boyfriend, I think I really am. 

I mean, why would I think about it so much if I wasn't? 

Luke said I can have a girlfriend and be with him as long as he gets to fuck her too.
eh. it's something to keep in mind.

Lately, Idk. having a boyfriend has been feeling so...bland.

No one I know, knows I have a livejournal. so it's nice

16th-Apr-2008 09:35 pm - hopeless
I beat myself up a lot. 
Anything I do that upsets my boyfriend in anyway I kill myself over. I wish I could never upset him. I wish I was just perfect in every way for him.

Over past years starting in 8th grade I've just become my worst critique.
No, I do have a self esteem.
No, I do have self-confidence.
And no, I actually do love myself.

But I'm a perfectionist in itself, and any flaw I find about me I just think about how to fix it.
And I beat myself over it when it's revealed and it shows that I haven't fixed it.

And like my boyfriend's said: "you're beating yourself up over it more than I was ever pissed about it"

I love myself only because what is of me now, much more impresses me than what I was a year or two ago.

The times I don't are the times I'm disappointed in myself.

I want to be skinnier. I want to be more excited about things. I don't want to be so judgemental. I want to stop beating myself up over things. I want to be less sensitive. I don't want to take things so personally anymore. 

There's nothing I want more right now than to just look at myself and say 'I'm perfect' in my eyes. 
I say, I'm good enough for everyone else.
Sometimes I just worry I'm not going to be good enough for myself.

I've grown so much though. and I love every bit of that. I love that I'm not so insecure. I love lots of things about me.
But I beat myself over the things I don't love about me.

I wanted to jump infront of a passing car standing next to luke feeling like a fucking disappointment. 
Sometimes, I feel so hopeless. 
I don't know what to do with myself sometimes.

15th-Apr-2008 09:39 pm - pet peeve

When people get overly excited about something.

I guess I'm just too chill for the world. 

I mean, I get excited about things too, rarely overly excited. 
But It just gets sooo under my skin when I hear people jumping for joy over something.

14th-Apr-2008 06:49 pm - new hair

I have no pictures for proof...
but I cut the majority of my hair off =]
I got an aline cut and I love it =]

I still have the pink in front =]

I'm really happy with it. And in the back I spike it and god I feel so much sexier with short hair =P
Idk why but I do =P

& then when my hair's wet from like swimming my hair looks good and it's not all disgusting and clinging down my back and shoulders.

Basically, I feel hella hot right now. 
I'm enjoying my new look ;D
So is luke ;)

I haven't written in forever.

Life's been really good.
I had my spring break, that was really fun. I hung out with my boyfriend like the entire time.
It's strange to have met like The one

I've only been with him for 7 months, but I've felt the same way I feel about him now since the first. He's probably the coolest person I've ever met. He's definitely my best friend. 

& I know he's the one. I just don't see myself with anyone else =]



SO school's boring. god 10 more weeks and SUMMER! gotta get my license..and a job.
I'm gonna be so pissed If I have to like. have a natural hair color in order to have a job.
I love my hair =[
it makes me so happy to see pink and rainbow all the time =P 
I got 6 more bottles of hair dye...I don't even know what to do with it now lol
I'm probably going to bleach more hair...
just sooo much color.

Prom's tomorrow at my school. I'm not going...
It's my junior prom & yeah I regret it. but the only thing I really regret is not getting to get ready for it.
I like dress shopping & shoe shopping and getting all pretty for an occassion.
My boyfriend doesn't dance though...and I didn't want to drag him to something he didn't want to go.
I was gonna go with a friend, but then she found a date.
whatever. 
Luke's (my boyfriend) gonna spend prom night with me anyways =]
We're going to go to the book store and get some painting books for me =]

I love that we support each other. :)

Man I'm bored. and tired.
I need new bras. My boobs grew. I hate when one outgrows the other... 
::btw. i'm a pretty open person::

bras cost money though =[
And support for my boobs apparently isn't worth spending 30 dollars to my mom ='[ 

It's my dad's birthday today. I printed out all these lol cats and demotivational posters and put them in his card I made.
I think he'll lawl...I sure did.
'sense. this makes none'

I think my dad might let me get a tattoo. I told him how I thought it was reasonable that they let me get a small one & he said 'yeahh I mean, I actually try to encourage you to not look so cliche. all those other girls look the same'
He's a pretty awesome father.

If I was to get a tat. I'd get a fire flower and a mushroom on my inner wrists. I think that'd be pretty sick.
I can't wait till i'm 18.

peace<3
p.s. anyone heard some good metal lately?
I picked up on some As blood runs black...suicide silence..annotations of an autopsy (great EP I think..)
I need new stuff though =[

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